Trying Again

Trying again... that is what I am going to do. I read several blogs everyday and I have decided if I have the time to read them I should be able to keep up my own blog! I am so excited for the new year. It holds so much potential and many opportunities for this family! My girls are growing, all too fast, and life is good. Moving forward to 2010!!

I don't get it....

First off I didn't make it with a daily post. I am not surprised! But I am here so that is what matters.

I don't get my mother in law. My husband and I were talking over the weekend and we realized it has been since January 22nd that MIL has seen my youngest. She saw F on Valentine's Day. She stops by to leave her usual crap and cigarette smoke smell and then leaves. I am sure I am not the most inviting and warm person to her but I don't get how she can live 7 miles from us, drive past our neighborhood everyday on her way to and from work and she has seen her only two grandchildren 2 times since Christmas. I mean who lives like that? She will break her neck to get to my brother in law's house to clean or mow his grass (he is single and travels) but makes no effort to call and check on her grandchildren or my husband who is her youngest child. Makes no sense....

On a lighter note....we are taking the girls to the zoo tomorrow for the first time! I am hoping for no breakdowns!! Them or me!!

I am still praying for Stellan and MckMama. Big changes are taking place in the frozen tundra for that family and I am praying God makes the world right for them!

Could it be...

that I am exhausted everyday because I am totally over weight? I think so, I know so. We bought a Wii a few weeks back with the intention of me using it here at home because it would be easier than me going to a gym. I do pay for a monthly gym membership which I used to use but no longer. My body literally aches!!! I always tell myself that I am going to make an effort to lose weight, maybe tomorrow will be the restart I need.

I am still praying for Stellan his family. Today seemed a little better for him and I only pray that tomorrow is even better. Last night before going to bed I found myself in the hall bathroom, door closed, on my knees praying like a mad woman again for that sweet baby. I think my praying is a private thing for me. I need to figure out my relationship with God before I make it public. All I know is that God is listening to these prayers for Stellan and I am going to keep praying until he is healed!

I am glad today is almost over....

I am so tired I feel like I can't move. There is so much on my mind and my heart. If I can just get to sleep maybe my mind will rest.

Baby Stellan and his family still need your prayers. There are some new things going on with him as far as his treatment goes and his parents are having to make major decisions for his care. I cannot imagine how they are doing it. Well I know how they are doing it, God is guiding them, but I can't imagine being in that position. Please continue to pray or do whatever it is that you do to ask for healing hands on Stellan's heart. MckMama had posted a new update with a new picture of Stellan and he looked tired, gorgeous but tired. Please lift them in prayer!

P is still coughing and hacking up junk in her chest. She is snotty and whiny. As I type that it seems that I have no right to complain about such minor things in my otherwise healthy child.

F is still struggling with her numbers and I just don't get it. Tonight I was pushed to calling her teacher at home. She did make me feel better by telling me that no student it perfectly rounded as far as social development, colors and numbers. She thinks F is where she should be according to national standards but I still feel like she should know these things if that is what they are teaching her. I think since numbers always came fairly simple for me, maybe my expectations are too high and too much at this age. AARRRGHHH....

Now that I have been Patty the Party Pooper for the night, I am going to bed. I am going to drop to my knees and say a prayer for Stellan and I hope you'll do the same. And while I am at it I am going to hug my girls extra tight tonight. I am so, so blessed in so many ways.

Not Me! Monday ~ Stellan Style

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


Usually this fun field weekly event takes place over at MckMama's stomping grounds but since Stellan has been in the hospital and surely MckMama has other things on her mind Not Me! Monday has been moved over to here: www.onceuponacline.com. Hopefully some of these great Not Me! posts will life MckMama's spirits! I sure hope so! Here goes!

This is totally not my FIRST Not Me Monday post, ever! I have only thought about it a hundred times but never had the nerve. I am not terrified of Mr. Linky!

I have not found myself on the internet dozens of times a day checking on Stellan and MckMama. And I can't imagine why MckMama would be pissed! (I would be without a doubt!)


I have not found myself praying more the past week than I have in years - praying for a baby I have never held and I woman I have never met but have learned so much from.

My intense praying for Stellan has not sparked a huge desire in me to better my relationship with God! The same God I have let down over the past few years.

I have not found myself on many occasions this week, shutting my bedroom door, kids squealing at each other in the next room and ignoring it all to drop to my knees in prayer. Only to realize when I stood back up I had been on knees pleading for Stellan's health for over 20 minutes with my kiddos unattended! Nope, not ME!!

I did not email everyone in my address book and ask them to please lift Stellan up in prayer and send them all to MckMama's blog to read about the miracle of his birth and his life. I must mention I was not the least bit proud to realize how many of my awesome friends had put Stellan and his entire family on the prayer lists at their respective churches.

I did not find myself sobbing in the shower this week on two occasions: crying for this unfair turn Stellan has taken and crying for MckMama and Prince Charming. My heart and soul ache for them because I cannot imagine what they feel at this moment.


I did not find myself in my robe, fresh from showering, sobbing on my knees in the bathroomr floor with my head to the ground (as Angie at Bring the Rain had requested) praying, begging for Stellan to be healed.


Aside from all the Not Me's! I am praying for Stellan, MckMama and her entire family!!

How do you know?

I wonder how one knows when something isn't right with one of their children. The wondering has consumed me for months, either for one child or the other. For the longest time the doctor was concerned P wasn't talking. At the time she was just one and he expected her to have a vocabulary of like 20 words and she basically said nothing. Prior to that visit I had not really been concerned. With a 4 year old sister she had someone to do and say for her. At her 18 month appointment the doctor had no concerns, he didn't really even inquire about her speech. She does of course say words at this point so to me she is brilliant for any 20 month old!!

My biggest concern at this point is F. She turned 4 years old in January and has been at the same church weekday school since she was one. This year really seems to be the year she needs to learn. When I went for her parent teacher conference in the winter her teacher expressed some concern about her ability to recognize numbers and colors. We have been working on the colors but the numbers just don't seem to be clicking for her. At first we thought she would just get it when she wanted but it still isn't happening. I talked to the director of the program and she recommended we have her evaluated for a learning disability. I am of course devastated or in denial, maybe both. The evaluation is through the public school system and they can't fit her in until June! I am going to check with our family doctor and see if he can recommend someone else. We aren't likely to put her in the public schools anyway but if she needs help I want her to have it now. At night when we try to work with her she is reduced to tears which breaks my heart. So I just wonder how do you know? Does she really need some type of help or has it just not clicked for her? Maybe she is still in her own princess world!

You know what annoys me???

The term 'ole lady'. What is that? Is that the same thing as old lady? Living in the Bible belt of the south it is fairly common to hear that term. And when you hear a man saying the term, whether he is 25 or 65, he is usually referring to his wife. That annoys the hell out of me! I think it is rude and most of all disrespectful. I have heard this my entire life. But tonight I was watching this show where this man and his family are bail bondsmen. The wife is very loud and harsh, unafraid to speak her mind but her husband calls her the old lady and she doesn't really seem to care. What the heck???? My husband has never referred to me this way and I don't expect that he ever will. He wasn't raised that way and we don't really run in that kind of circle where those kind of remarks are acceptable. Don't get me wrong, he is not perfect and may often want to call me something not so nice, but I don't think old lady would be his choice. I just think the term is rude.

P is still sick. She coughs and coughs, sneezes and snots. She has been in the bed for almost 4 hours now and she is still coughing. It annoys me to take her to the doctor and they tell me she is only congested and we can't give her anything. So in the mean time, my exhausted little girl is coughing all night which means no one here sleeps. Poor thing is miserable.

I found the coolest thing yesterday in the store. It is called a Dripstik. I was waiting to see if the store had a coupon come out in tomorrow's paper before I bought them. But I just realized they had a website so I may just go ahead and order. I am going to try and insert a picture. This may be the best invention ever and guess who invented it?? A MOM!!! Go figure! This is a must for all kiddies who love ice cream! Check out their site: http://www.dripstik.com/home.html