Could it be...

that I am exhausted everyday because I am totally over weight? I think so, I know so. We bought a Wii a few weeks back with the intention of me using it here at home because it would be easier than me going to a gym. I do pay for a monthly gym membership which I used to use but no longer. My body literally aches!!! I always tell myself that I am going to make an effort to lose weight, maybe tomorrow will be the restart I need.

I am still praying for Stellan his family. Today seemed a little better for him and I only pray that tomorrow is even better. Last night before going to bed I found myself in the hall bathroom, door closed, on my knees praying like a mad woman again for that sweet baby. I think my praying is a private thing for me. I need to figure out my relationship with God before I make it public. All I know is that God is listening to these prayers for Stellan and I am going to keep praying until he is healed!

I am glad today is almost over....

I am so tired I feel like I can't move. There is so much on my mind and my heart. If I can just get to sleep maybe my mind will rest.

Baby Stellan and his family still need your prayers. There are some new things going on with him as far as his treatment goes and his parents are having to make major decisions for his care. I cannot imagine how they are doing it. Well I know how they are doing it, God is guiding them, but I can't imagine being in that position. Please continue to pray or do whatever it is that you do to ask for healing hands on Stellan's heart. MckMama had posted a new update with a new picture of Stellan and he looked tired, gorgeous but tired. Please lift them in prayer!

P is still coughing and hacking up junk in her chest. She is snotty and whiny. As I type that it seems that I have no right to complain about such minor things in my otherwise healthy child.

F is still struggling with her numbers and I just don't get it. Tonight I was pushed to calling her teacher at home. She did make me feel better by telling me that no student it perfectly rounded as far as social development, colors and numbers. She thinks F is where she should be according to national standards but I still feel like she should know these things if that is what they are teaching her. I think since numbers always came fairly simple for me, maybe my expectations are too high and too much at this age. AARRRGHHH....

Now that I have been Patty the Party Pooper for the night, I am going to bed. I am going to drop to my knees and say a prayer for Stellan and I hope you'll do the same. And while I am at it I am going to hug my girls extra tight tonight. I am so, so blessed in so many ways.

Not Me! Monday ~ Stellan Style

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


Usually this fun field weekly event takes place over at MckMama's stomping grounds but since Stellan has been in the hospital and surely MckMama has other things on her mind Not Me! Monday has been moved over to here: www.onceuponacline.com. Hopefully some of these great Not Me! posts will life MckMama's spirits! I sure hope so! Here goes!

This is totally not my FIRST Not Me Monday post, ever! I have only thought about it a hundred times but never had the nerve. I am not terrified of Mr. Linky!

I have not found myself on the internet dozens of times a day checking on Stellan and MckMama. And I can't imagine why MckMama would be pissed! (I would be without a doubt!)


I have not found myself praying more the past week than I have in years - praying for a baby I have never held and I woman I have never met but have learned so much from.

My intense praying for Stellan has not sparked a huge desire in me to better my relationship with God! The same God I have let down over the past few years.

I have not found myself on many occasions this week, shutting my bedroom door, kids squealing at each other in the next room and ignoring it all to drop to my knees in prayer. Only to realize when I stood back up I had been on knees pleading for Stellan's health for over 20 minutes with my kiddos unattended! Nope, not ME!!

I did not email everyone in my address book and ask them to please lift Stellan up in prayer and send them all to MckMama's blog to read about the miracle of his birth and his life. I must mention I was not the least bit proud to realize how many of my awesome friends had put Stellan and his entire family on the prayer lists at their respective churches.

I did not find myself sobbing in the shower this week on two occasions: crying for this unfair turn Stellan has taken and crying for MckMama and Prince Charming. My heart and soul ache for them because I cannot imagine what they feel at this moment.


I did not find myself in my robe, fresh from showering, sobbing on my knees in the bathroomr floor with my head to the ground (as Angie at Bring the Rain had requested) praying, begging for Stellan to be healed.


Aside from all the Not Me's! I am praying for Stellan, MckMama and her entire family!!

How do you know?

I wonder how one knows when something isn't right with one of their children. The wondering has consumed me for months, either for one child or the other. For the longest time the doctor was concerned P wasn't talking. At the time she was just one and he expected her to have a vocabulary of like 20 words and she basically said nothing. Prior to that visit I had not really been concerned. With a 4 year old sister she had someone to do and say for her. At her 18 month appointment the doctor had no concerns, he didn't really even inquire about her speech. She does of course say words at this point so to me she is brilliant for any 20 month old!!

My biggest concern at this point is F. She turned 4 years old in January and has been at the same church weekday school since she was one. This year really seems to be the year she needs to learn. When I went for her parent teacher conference in the winter her teacher expressed some concern about her ability to recognize numbers and colors. We have been working on the colors but the numbers just don't seem to be clicking for her. At first we thought she would just get it when she wanted but it still isn't happening. I talked to the director of the program and she recommended we have her evaluated for a learning disability. I am of course devastated or in denial, maybe both. The evaluation is through the public school system and they can't fit her in until June! I am going to check with our family doctor and see if he can recommend someone else. We aren't likely to put her in the public schools anyway but if she needs help I want her to have it now. At night when we try to work with her she is reduced to tears which breaks my heart. So I just wonder how do you know? Does she really need some type of help or has it just not clicked for her? Maybe she is still in her own princess world!

You know what annoys me???

The term 'ole lady'. What is that? Is that the same thing as old lady? Living in the Bible belt of the south it is fairly common to hear that term. And when you hear a man saying the term, whether he is 25 or 65, he is usually referring to his wife. That annoys the hell out of me! I think it is rude and most of all disrespectful. I have heard this my entire life. But tonight I was watching this show where this man and his family are bail bondsmen. The wife is very loud and harsh, unafraid to speak her mind but her husband calls her the old lady and she doesn't really seem to care. What the heck???? My husband has never referred to me this way and I don't expect that he ever will. He wasn't raised that way and we don't really run in that kind of circle where those kind of remarks are acceptable. Don't get me wrong, he is not perfect and may often want to call me something not so nice, but I don't think old lady would be his choice. I just think the term is rude.

P is still sick. She coughs and coughs, sneezes and snots. She has been in the bed for almost 4 hours now and she is still coughing. It annoys me to take her to the doctor and they tell me she is only congested and we can't give her anything. So in the mean time, my exhausted little girl is coughing all night which means no one here sleeps. Poor thing is miserable.

I found the coolest thing yesterday in the store. It is called a Dripstik. I was waiting to see if the store had a coupon come out in tomorrow's paper before I bought them. But I just realized they had a website so I may just go ahead and order. I am going to try and insert a picture. This may be the best invention ever and guess who invented it?? A MOM!!! Go figure! This is a must for all kiddies who love ice cream! Check out their site: http://www.dripstik.com/home.html

A Crazy Day....

This may have been one of the longest days I have had in a really long time. I feel like I spent the entire morning getting ready to have the girls picture made at 3pm!!! I kept double checking to make sure I had everything, dresses pressed, snacks to accommodate everyone. I must say that I know the pictures are going to be great. The girls did so well.

I got to run into the red bulls eye store which is one of my favorite ever! I could spend all day in there. I treated myself to a new nano i-pod. My shuffle has disappeared and still not showed up. So lack of music cannot be my reason for not exercising.

I am tired of the rain here. I feel like the gloomy weather brings me down. Getting out with the girls just leaves us all soaked. The dogs don't like pottying in the rain so I am always checking to make sure they have peed in the house. I am ready for a few non rain days. Not to mention we live near the race track and since the race is here this weekend there are thousands of race fans pouring into town. And if it keeps raining they will be here Monday!!! Where are you Mr. Sun?

Stellan is still on my heart. He is still in SVT but today seemed a little better for him. I am continuing to pray for him and his mom. I just have to believe that he will be okay. I find myself really praying more these days. I have to believe that it is because of Stellan. I find my heart literally aching for him and MckMama and praying for them is about all I can do. I am struggling with my faith and my relationship with God and all this seems to blend together. I am reading a book that helps you read the Bible in 90 days. I am a little behind schedule but working on it. When churches here get back on normal Sundays next week I hope to start visiting a couple for their morning worship service. I let you know how that goes.

Das Not Funny Friday...

It’s finally Friday! How many times this week did you hear or see something and think… “Das Not Funny!” but then realize that it actually was pretty funny? Well, such is the purpose of this blogapolooza known as Das Not Funny! Friday.
Check out this blog to see what else is not funny. Plus, by going over here you can see who else has seen or heard something and thought Das Not Funny! then stifled a giggle or even laughed out loud! Come on, you know you wanna…

I am a bit late. And yes I do know it is in the wee hours of the morning of Saturday but those who know me know that I am never on time. I am going to try and participate in the Das Not Funny Friday that is hosted by a marvelous Christian mother of 5 over at The Making Of M.O.M. I am pretty certain I don't know how to use Mr. Linky so you'll have to be patient until I figure this out. So here are my funny's for the week:

* My sweet 4 year old, myself and my mom were out and about running errands. My mom is trying to get her bags in the car and she is getting soaked from the rain. She is running low on patience and shouts out, "Well shit!" My mother is a very prim and proper woman so we were all shocked. My sweet F looks at her and says, God Bless you Mimi. She thought my mom had sneezed I suppose. I couldn't help but laugh and so did my mom.

* As I was taking the girls to school on Thursday I was of course, running late. I passed a state trooper on the road and knew he was going to turn around, I just got that vibe. So of course he turns around, throws on his lights and I go ahead and pull over. F instantly wants to know "Are we in a wreck, are we going to the hospital?" I told her no we were not in a wreck but mommy is getting a speeding ticket for driving too fast. She continues to ask the same question over and over. As we get to school she announces we had a wreck. Crazy how a four year old mind can turn things around!

Colds and germs....bleck....

I feel like one of my girls is always battling the sniffles. I know good and well that in the grand scheme this is minor but it annoys me. P has not felt well for two days now. I took her to the doctor this afternoon for them to tell me the obvious: she is congested and we can't really give her anything. She did score some eye drops for the gunk in her eye but that was it. And it took me three trips to the pharmacy to get the drops and a call to the on call doctor. What a pain. P slept with us last night until about 4am. Tonight I laid her down about 8pm and here it is 90 minutes later and she is crying and coughing.

I have big plans for the girls tomorrow. I have planned a photography session for them with a very well known awesome photographer in the area. Her work is amazing. Last time I took F there, I went back to see the pictures and they moved me to tears. Their work is breathtaking. I hope P wakes up with a clear eye and in the mood for pictures.

I am going to ask that you continue to pray for baby Stellan. I emailed some special ladies in my life last night and asked them to remember him and his family too. I know that every prayer counts. MckMama is continuing to update as often as she can via her blog and her tweets. Check them out as often as you like. Each time I do I say another silent prayer for them. Please do the same.

Here I Am....

again! Twice in one day, what the heck to think about that! My little one is getting sick. She has this hack that sounds like the croup. And she is running a fever. I hope it is just her cutting teeth. We have a photo session scheduled for Friday and I really don't want to miss it. The photographer is amazing and does such an awesome job with kids. So I will keep her home tomorrow with the hopes of some extra snuggling with mommy will make her well. I am keeping my fingers crossed that F doesn't get whatever it is.

Speaking of Friday's photo session. I bought these awesome dresses for the girls. They are the same print, different styles. I took one of them with me today to the town next to ours to a children's boutique to find matching hair bows. I got 30 miles down the road headed home and realized I had left the dress in the store. The crazy thing is the dress still has the tags on it! I called the store as soon as I realized and they said they would put it behind the counter for me until tomorrow. I am slowly losing my mind. I did however score the bows I needed and an awesome pair of shoes for P's fat little feet. They have the most awesome overpriced children's clothes around!

I guess I need to make an effort to lose my baby weight. Since my youngest is going to turn two this summer I no longer can say I am carrying baby weight. That time has passed for me. I am addicted to food though. I think it is mental for me. I need to make a button on my sidebar showing how much I lose as I go along. I'll put that on my to-do list.

On a very serious note, I am still praying for baby Stellan. I find myself waking in the middle of the night and praying for him. I just hope that he can be covered in prayer tonight and his sweet mommy too. I hope they feel the prayers around them. I will be on my knees again before bedtime lifting them up. I hope everyone will do the same.

A Week of First....

I find myself again today doing something new. Yesterday I promised myself that I would give the blogging effort an honest try, again. And today I found myself on my knees, on my knees in prayer for a baby I don't know and his mother and family. I don't know the last time I prayed that hard for anyone or anything. I battle daily with my religious beliefs. I mean I know what I believe but I don't act it or show it like I should. All that aside for now, I want you to join me in praying for sweet Stellan. So many people are praying for this little guy and he needs more prayers. You can see the button in the upper right hand corner of my blog, click on it and it should take you to his mother's blog. This sweet boy beat the odds and survived birth, born with a healthy heart and blessed my God. Something went wrong over the past few days and he has taken a very unexpected turn. His little heart is beating too fast. I'll spare you the medical jargon because I am certain I would get it wrong; hop on over to MckMama's blog and you can read her explanation. Even if you are struggling with your beliefs or whatever it is, please offer up a prayer for Stellan. I have been in such awe of his mother for so long. Her strength during her pregnancy and her devotion to her children and her marriage is unreal to me. I am praying too for her to have the strength to deal with all her sweet baby boy is facing.

I'll try again....

So this is my third time at trying the blogger thing. I don't know why I can't keep up. I think life gets in the way. I am not technically savy. Actually I am very far from it and I get really frustrated. I am going to honestly try for one full month to do this. We'll see how it works out!

I spend alot of time reading blogs that belong to other people, people I don't know IRL(in real life) but have discovered over the internet. I hope this time I can stick with it. I would love to have something to show my girls when they are a little older. I am sure this will find me all over the place as to my postings. I struggle daily with being a mom, a wife, a daughter, my weight and my religion. No wonder I am stressed out!!!